money, hoes, clothes, and mayhem
sex, drugs, rock and roll
money, hoes, clothes, and mayhem
sex, drugs, rock and roll
alright, idiots, time to get down to business. i know what you’re here for. first thing you’ll want to know is “what is storm doing right now?” yeah, i bet you’d like it if i fucking told you. i’ll tell you anyway though. i am drinking a strong mixed beverage from a milk bottle. it’s classy. I’ve got Robbie Lawler and Rory MacDonald in an absolute fucking war up on the screen, and the soothing sounds of 808’s and heartbreaks playing from the cell phone. no youtube video to fuck with the flow tonight. it’s already 9:27 and i’m only this far in. skipped the post on tuesday because i had personal and family issues to sort out (i didn’t have either). walked around. on wednesday and it was pretty quiet. probably because you simpletons didn’t know what music to listen to without my recommendations.
i’ve got a lot of thoughts this week, so let’s get rolling
seems like a great place to stop this one.
Songs of the day
thanks for reading these. you don’t know how important it is.
she had the nerve to say she love me and i fuckin’ laughed-meek mill
I’m finally sitting down to write this at 9:16 pm. here we go. should be a weird one.
little drunk but not throw up on the living room floor drunk if you know what i mean. almost the perfect amount of drunk. listening to a youtube video about baseball, lakers vs clippers on the tv (volume low) and nice music coming from my phone (and it’s not nice)
getting my second round of the covid vaccine tomorrow. hope i don’t get autism
mothers day is this sunday, so i’d love to share a story of mothers eve in 2018?ish. The day starts out where n***, zack, and me (mr clit) went to the mall to get gifts for our mothers. n*** used the atm to check his balance, and followed that up with an old fashioned “it’ll play” (spoiler: it wouldn’t). we went our separate ways and reunited at kenny’s pub for a few beers with the boys (and broads) if you know what i’m saying. n*** found a middle aged man to buy him multiple fireball shots. I don’t know how he convinced him to do this, but they were in the bathroom for about 14 minutes before he brought old man to the table. (side note; pitchers used to be $5 on weekends, and they should bring this back. if you pump me full of light beer for 37 minutes i am bound to switch to something stronger, therefore spending even more money. right now I am just getting too drunk to function, while spending anywhere between $23 and $114 depending on the crowd. i like to put on a show for my fans. please drink responsibly)
after our night at the alehouse ended and our other friends went home, i asked young n*** if he would like to join me on a trip to see the girls of the beach. he really should’ve known better… as is tradition, we stopped at the gas station to pick up a case of beer before 2 am, and i paid his admission into the club. as we walked through the painted glass door with our brand new paper bracelets, his eyes lit up brighter than i’ve ever seen in a boy.
as you may have been able to guess, i used to be very into the local strip club (still am, but i definitely used to be, too). I asked the girl at the door for $50 in singles, as you do at a strip club. we took seats in the front row and cracked open a couple cold ones, we had two hours, 23 beers, and enough money to order little caesars pizza’s for a party of 80 with leftovers. as the night was nearing the end, i accepted an offer from the talent for a few private dances. i went to the back, and sat in complete shock for the next four or five songs. when i returned to the main area, i could not find my friend. i found my chair and returned to the activities of the night, occasionally glancing at the private area and bathrooms to see where n*** had vanished to. as the next song ended, i saw n***’s frail body come out with a smile that was larger than his face. he walked to the atm and turned around after pressing the buttons for a few minutes. he took a lap around the room, but did not return to me. this continued for a bit more before the bouncer got on his tail. there was much laughter on my end, but n*** ended up coming to me and asking if he could borrow a bit of money. i said sure and asked how much he needed. “$21.” this fucking kid… the dances were $25… also notable that the atm fee here is $8 so he could’ve had the 20 that he needed. i gave him the money, plus a little extra for the trouble…
we got a ride back home and n*** texted his parents from my phone that he would be sleeping over, remember that it is 4:30 at this point. i woke up a few hours later to a pissed off family, and several texts from n***’s mother. my favorite one “can noah come home now, he is going to be late for church”. that text was received at 9:15, and we woke up at 10:30… i assume he got in trouble for this, but the “it’ll play” from 24 hours prior, and the resulting events made it all worth it for me. i had lunch with my mother and grandmother that day. a bloody mary and a burger can solve almost any problems you face.
get ready fuckers, this is a good one
Top Songs Today
again the order means nothing on these
thanks for reading. i hope to make these better
here’s what you’ve all been waiting for. you sad, lonely fucks sit by your computer every tuesday and thursday waiting for my thoughts.
“i’m too stupid to form my own opinion on anything. i will need to wait for storm to share his and i will nod in agreement.”-you, probably
as you may know, i went to a wedding last month. i had a wonderful time. since then, death has been on my mind quite a bit. because i will most likely still be alone in this life, i have planned my funeral and relayed my wishes to my parents (my best friend and his wife) in the unfortunate (very probable, though) event that i expire before them. i do not believe that my female parent will execute these wishes. i will list them here, so that my friends will follow through with them. understand that this will be unlike any funeral you have ever been to, seen on tv, or read about. much more of a happy environment. it will also be at one of my favorite drinking establishments.
my mother invited me to my sister’s graduation party via facebook, and i selected the “maybe” option. this decision was not met with the happiness that i anticipated. i would be very grateful if someone like me even entertained the idea of possibly attending. regardless, i will probably be there, and will spend that evening drinking beers (buzzed) with my friends at Kenny’s. hopefully they have live music.
i met a girl this weekend. this will not be a romantic situation by any means, but i want people to know that i am physically capable of talking to a woman.
every week my good friend, pizza hut, texts me that a large stuffed crust pizza is being offered for a limited price of $11.99. this price has not changed since at least 2015, but i appreciate the news every time.
i traded american currency for a package of bologna on sunday night. i hadn’t had bologna prior to this in at least 8 months. it’s still good.
today’s top songs
Yo, what up, Youtube! before we get into the shit please go ahead and smash that mf subscribe button!
I woke up this morning fully torqued and ready to have a great day. Things done changed. Money change, people change, things change. I took the dog outside and threw up in the shower (Normal). I went to the kitchen to find out that I am out of coffee. No big deal, I should have some at the office, or so I thought. Out of coffee here too. Damn, I’m really going through it, huh. And to make it even worse, I have diarrhea (this is normal). But I am back on the quest of crafting the perfect burger. We are only one night in, and my apartment again smells like wonderfully cooked beef. I can’t wait for Thursday Night’s burger. Switched up the buns for this week. Will see how it goes. Might switch back to the old ones, but these seem promising.
Finally broke down and purchased LA Noire for the playstation 4. The game seems good, but it is too dark. Not the theme, the actual lighting in the game.
Watching Scrubs again. I love Scrubs.
I am only continuing to live to spite my enemies.
Elon Musk will be hosting Saturday Night Live next weekend. Not this weekend, but next. I can wait.
Might go to the lake this weekend. Will do some fishing. Might stay home and watch the 2019 Minnesota Penn State game.
Top 5 Jacks
There’s a couple movies I’d like to see in the next 5 years.
Tuesday top 5 songs
Shit, can’t believe we’re still here. Forgot to drop the top 5 yesterday, and that’s my fault. I was handling meat.
The shit me and my girlfriend do in public is straight up illegal. It’s a full on fight when I take that broad to Hy-Vee. Last night I dropped her with a body shot in the bread aisle. Stood right over her and let her know she’s softer than Sara Lee. I paid for groceries. She sucked the soul out of my dick when we got home, though.
Anyway, here’s the top 5:
Going to smoke a brisket tomorrow to watch the ufc fights with the boys. Going to film a video of me doing sick scooter tricks in my parents driveway. My brother and his friend joby will edit it for me. Will release on my instagram. Parents come home. Gonna hug my daddy at the airport. Then I’m going to watch the fights with THE BOYS (they’re all over 40 and married with children).
A life ain’t a life ’til you live it
I was digging me a hole big enough to bury my soul
Weight of the world, I gotta carry my ownmac miller
Don’t really feel like writing anything today. started putting the bullshit on the screen and ended up deleting it several times. might throw one up tomorrow to make up for this. not sure what’s going on today, or in general.
did an interview with the piss list.
check it out here
anyway here’s the top ten.
tuesday top ten
I have been empty for the past 24 days. Something was missing in my life, and I spent all of my time and energy searching for something. A purpose, a friend, something to commit myself to. A way out of the desolate hellscape that is my mind.
Today, I realized what was missing. I know what changed. Fortunately, the stars aligned and that bitch Chrissy Teigen reactivated her Twitter.
Chrissy, I want you to read this and reflect. I already ended you once, and claimed the title of “Mayor of Twitter”. I am fully prepared to do this again. Your cookbook sucks. Your pans suck. Your husband is cool, but you… You know what you did when you logged back in, and make no mistake, I will make you regret this decision. When you turned your back on the people of the internet, I stayed. I was here. I kept them safe. Where did you go when they needed you? Bora Bora?
You are and always will be John Legend’s Filthy Mouthed Wife. Don’t forget that.
Go back to burping on snapchat.
i want a kelly green shirt that just says “hate” in comic sans. shia labeouf. might go to idaho in july for summer camp. never been before. could be fun. might see a moose.
Today’s top 7 songs (choose the order)
Thank you to today’s sponsor, Nesquik. None of this would be possible without you.