Draft Day

note: i started writing this on day one of the nfl draft. I am not going to change the title, as it took me a long time to decide on this one

EDIT: (this will not be a cohesive piece of writing; it’s just a collection of my thoughts over a period of several days. Some are just the beginning to jokes. Again, I don’t know why i’m like this)

Grilled Cheese Update

I quit after day 1. I don’t like grilled cheese. I really believed there was a way to make it better, but there’s no hope. I haven’t felt like this since Rascal Flatts’ farewell tour was cancelled.

addressing the rumors

i have never killed a woman. please stop saying that i have killed women. i have not. this isn’t to say that i couldn’t, though.

I’ve been taking the pill from limitless recently. (I thought i’d have something kind of funny to follow up with, but i’m running on half thoughts today)

I am very good at adapting to fit in with the people around me. As a result, I am getting dumber.

Can you still say “black magic”?

i still love baseball. might start playing.

back on road

back on road

no, i was not in a coma. i was dealing with the fallout from a poorly worded tweet regarding kelsea ballerini.

(I started writing this on monday night)

Woke up this morning thinking about feta cheese. Couldn’t stop thinking about feta cheese.

Who can relate?

-Logic

This post will be a special edition. Monday night thoughts. The people will like this. the haters aren’t gonna like this one.

hoes mad.

*photo deleted*

it seems like this is going to be a very Logic-central post, but i can assure you it won’t be. did you guys know he’s biracial?

i am watching olympic with no sound and listening to the music of our time. the kitchen light is on, but the lights are off in the living room (where I am). am i a boy of the dark? maybe. who really know?

aunt jemima. mrs butterworth. hungry jack. the three new political parties. select one to align yourself with, but choose wisely. you only get one shot to do it right. this will be your new identity.

kendall jenner pepsi commercial.

went to the grocery store tonight and got some good sausages. cooked a couple up for dinner and they are pretty decent. 5/7 if i had to rate.

“he will not divide us”

Shia Lebeouf

i’ve started ordering the chicken parm sandwich every time i see it on a menu. i would say that eating and critiquing chicken parm sandwiches is one of my passions. it’s easy to be a chicken parm sandwich critic. (They all need salt)

can’t wait for season 2 of outer banks on friday night!!!

when you talk that shit, just know you gotta back it up with me..! THIS FOR THE CITY

i fucking love baseball. i hate zack hample. if we were ever going for the same ball i would ignore the ball and take him out.

Thoughts

hippos have to be the most intimidating land animal. 7 feet tall and 18 feet wide. top speed of 37 miles per hour, and natural camouflage so you can’t see them coming…

cigarettes are still really fucking cool

I received a pair of slippers during the last winter, and have been wearing them while indoors this week. they are alright.

i hope pete davison returns for another season of saturday night live.

kinda want to live in a shack in the woods like the unabomber

going to do a bracket of my favorite things. thinking 32 entries in 4 categories. candy, tv shows, movies, and ice cream. not sure how that works but it could be cool.

found out last month that darius rucker is hootie from hootie and the blowfish. this was a big surprise that i never could have guessed. i hadn’t been that shocked since i found out the blond guy from nirvana died.

people change

ben affleck back tattoo

hotdog water is a great source of electrolytes.

what is the purpose of friends

been getting really into astronomy lately, but having a real hard time with the different signs

saying “how about that drive in” when you arrive somewhere will always be funny

this has taken me 3 days… will put up the songs tomorrow

apologies

I did not feel the need to write last week. I had other things that required my attention.

(song list will be published separately this week. check the newest post if that is all you care to see)

Life Updates:

Been doing. Thinking a lot. Recently learned about Puerto Rico (Thank you Kanye, very cool!).

Came up with a couple of strategies to defeat Boko Haram and ISIS.

pool is closed for cleaning. not really a big deal for me (i don’t swim), but feel like you should know.

been listening to different musics in the past weeks. kinda cool. kinda not.

Thoughts

memes and internet culture peaked in 2015.

people who walk their dog without a leash in areas where a leash is required are the lowest class of society.

it’s a really bad year for ticks, and on this topic; there should be a chewable tablet that i can eat monthly that prevents ticks from biting me. if it’s safe for dogs, i can probably handle it.

watched a basketball games lately. i am going to repeat myself on a topic from last month. how do basketball players miss free throws? why does it take any player 30 seconds to shoot two free throws? how is it possible to be a professional basketball player and shoot less than 90% from the free throw line? my 7th grade D team basketball coach was 5’9″ and at least 300 pounds. i don’t think he ever missed a free throw. i could go to the gym tonight and make 75 in a row, if needed. (i am not a professional basketball player).

started watching trevor bauer’s vlogs last month and i am a huge baseball guy now. i love reading about baseball. i love watching pitching. i love baseball stats. i love the unwritten rules of baseball. i hate rob manfred. i am baseball.

Thursday List

  1. Randy Moss- Minnesota Vikings
  2. Adrian Peterson- Minnesota Vikings
  3. Brett Favre- Minnesota Vikings
  4. Michael Vick- Atlanta Falcons
  5. Darren Sharper- Minnesota Vikings (FOOTBALL ONLY)
  6. LaDainian Tomlinson
  7. Troy Polamalu
  8. Antoine Winfield Sr.- Minnesota Vikings
  9. Antoine Winfield Jr.- University of Minnesota
  10. Rob Gronkowski
  11. Jared Allen- Minnesota Vikings
  12. Randy Moss- Minnesota Vikings (4 games)
  13. Terrell Owens
  14. Daunte Culpepper- Minnesota Vikings
  15. Tarvaris Jackson- Minnesota Vikings
  16. Chester Taylor
  17. Brian Robison
  18. Jamarcus Russell
  19. Larry Fitzgerald
  20. Charles Woodson
  21. Chad Greenway
  22. Rex Grossman
  23. Johnny Manziel
  24. Kevin Williams- Minnesota Vikings
  25. Pat Williams- Minnesota Vikings
  26. Percy Harvin- Minnesota Vikings
  27. Randy Moss- New England Patriots
  28. Josh Gordon
  29. Ray Lewis
  30. Jerome Bettis- Pittsburgh Steelers
  31. Donovan McNabb- Philadelphia Eagles
  32. Stefon Diggs- Minnesota Vikings
  33. Shaun Alexander
  34. Bernard Berrian
  35. Eli Manning
  36. Julius Peppers
  37. Brian Urlacher
  38. Champ Bailey
  39. Devin Hester
  40. Ed Reed
  41. Torrey Smith- 2012 Week 3
  42. Darrelle Revis
  43. Julian Edelman
  44. Ben Roethlisberger
  45. Marshawn Lynch
  46. Reggie Bush- University of Southern California
  47. Vince Young- University of Texas
  48. Ndamukong Suh
  49. Ray Rice
  50. Jadaveon Clowney
  51. Sidney Rice- Minnesota Vikings
  52. Brett Favre- New York Jets
  53. Kirk Cousins
  54. Justin Jefferson
  55. Trae Waynes
  56. Jim Kleinsasser
  57. Robert Griffin III
  58. Arian Foster
  59. LeSean McCoy
  60. Matthew Stafford
  61. Christian Ponder- Minnesota Vikings
  62. Vernon Davis
  63. David Carr
  64. Eddie Lacey
  65. Anquan Boldin
  66. Reggie Wayne
  67. Jamaal Charles- Kansas City Chiefs
  68. Gus Frerotte
  69. Marion Barber
  70. Aaron Rodgers
  71. Clinton Portis
  72. Ronde Barber
  73. Marshall Faulk
  74. Demarcus Ware
  75. Mitch Leidner
  76. Adam Thielen
  77. Tanner Morgan
  78. Tony Gonzalez
  79. Shannon Brooks
  80. Visanthe Shiancoe
  81. Peyton Hillis
  82. Mark Sanchez
  83. Ryan Longwell
  84. Chad Johnson
  85. Joe Webb
  86. Rodney Smith
  87. Brian Cushing
  88. Hines Ward
  89. Tiki Barber
  90. Rashod Bateman
  91. Bryant McKinnie
  92. Ricky Williams
  93. Cody Parkey
  94. Joey Bosa
  95. Michael Strahan
  96. Matt Leinart
  97. Russell Wilson
  98. Tyler Johnson
  99. Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie
  100. Frank Gore

The songs of the week will be published separately this week. i have decided to compile a list of the top 100 football players i have ever seen. some players are ranked for their service with one team, but not the other teams they played for. if a team is noted by the players name, this is why.

Thank you to this week’s sponsor, Wheat Thins!

Cleaned My Sheets

9:10 PM. Here we are. Writing the words from my brain.eating spicy honey mustard Combos and drinking an ice cold beer fresh from the Rocky Mountain Range. championship lifestyle.

The Thoughts

my apartment building is getting a new roof and i hate it. the old roof looked better.

The Songs

  1. too many years- kodak black
  2. phoenix- a$ap rocky
  3. lord knows- meek mill
  4. views- drake
  5. trappin 4 a livin- baby e
  6. come thru- drake
  7. good 4 u- olivia rodrigo
  8. higher- creed
  9. ms. jackson- outkast
  10. little things- one direction
  11. stay- rihanna
  12. i hate u, i love u- gnash
  13. pill for this- sam derosa

“bridge over troubled water, ice in my muddy water”

talking to the moon

9:19 PM. Lakers on the television. sad music on the phone. cranberry in the milk jar. we’re having a thursday… What should i start with tonight? Hmmm… Life events, status of my enemies, my weekend plans, the songs? don’t tell me you care, because neither do i

Life Update

nothing. clown question.NEXT

weekend plans

going to my sisters graduation party tomorrow, where I will get drunk enough that people notice. Not one to call my shot, but i will probably make a comment about a newly eighteen year old girl at a volume that is just a little too high. afterwards i will maybe depart their house and get irresponsibly intoxicated. will return home, wake up disgustingly early, and drive to the lake. i will pack a cooler, and drive around the lake garage sales while drinking ice cold busch light. i will only have $14, but that’s part of the fun. wheelin and dealin baby. not sure yet if i will go home on sunday or monday morning. my parents have some friends coming, but not sure who. this will be a very important factor in my decision. might fly out to philly to dump popcorn on russell westbrook. who can know for sure?

What’s up with my enemies?

let me tell you this. if they aren’t dead by now, they’ll wish they were.

thoughts

(n prayers)

10:07

  • mini nn&nns are pretty good, definitely the best variety
  • i can remember pretty much everything that has ever happened.
  • i am approaching the age where my friends will soon be getting married and having children. i am still reading forum posts about what vitamins and minerals will increase the size and force of my loads.
  • how the fuck do you get hurt playing baseball? are they just sore?
  • really considering a bowl cut
  • chewed all my fingernails off, so now i can;t properly open things. this was a mistake.
  • last night i was at walmart and had a really hard time finding fish sticks and i never ended up finding them. i also forgot to get dog food and had to go back to petco tonight. i hate it here.
  • lebron james is pretty fucking good at basketball.

Top 7 Songs

  1. pill for this- sam derosa
  2. easy- lillian harper
  3. happy for you- lukas graham
  4. with arms wide open- creed
  5. if i die young- the band perry
  6. whiskey lullaby- alison krauss
  7. coordinate- travis scott
  8. deja vu- olivia rodrigo
  9. adam’s song- blink 182

Thanks for reading, and thanks to this week’s sponsor, Yahoo! Sports. A great place to learn about sports.

i killed that bitch

(9:28 start time. just put the hotdogs in the hotdog water.)

ruined her. ended her entire existence without once saying anything about her appearance. you might be wondering where you’ll buy your shitty chrissy teigen pans now… well, i can promise you that it won’t be at Target, Macy’s or Bloomingdales. the best part of this is that unlike alex jones, her fans (?) will not follow her. they will simply find another “just like us” celebrity to reply to.

i noticed a slight pain in my abdomen after walking my dog (wham!ilton) and it has increased significantly since. i was only able to eat 2.75 hot dogs before the pain became too much. i normally write while sitting down, but i have switched to laying on my back. i am going to vomit and expel this demon shortly. this is my flu game.

The Thoughts

  • update: it is 10:19. i just spent the last 15 minutes resting my head on the toilet seat. i have moved from the couch to the bed. will finish this one out in the morning.

insert the pain. tweet

what’s up with these new bitches?

alright, idiots, time to get down to business. i know what you’re here for. first thing you’ll want to know is “what is storm doing right now?” yeah, i bet you’d like it if i fucking told you. i’ll tell you anyway though. i am drinking a strong mixed beverage from a milk bottle. it’s classy. I’ve got Robbie Lawler and Rory MacDonald in an absolute fucking war up on the screen, and the soothing sounds of 808’s and heartbreaks playing from the cell phone. no youtube video to fuck with the flow tonight. it’s already 9:27 and i’m only this far in. skipped the post on tuesday because i had personal and family issues to sort out (i didn’t have either). walked around. on wednesday and it was pretty quiet. probably because you simpletons didn’t know what music to listen to without my recommendations.

i’ve got a lot of thoughts this week, so let’s get rolling

The Thoughts

  • i’ve been getting back to my roots… i’ll be honest here. i think my roots are just binge drinking and saying stupid shit. there’s nothing wrong with it, because i’m cool. people like me. i’m the man of the people. raised by the streets.
  • don’t want to sound entitled here, but women should be walking to me vagina first in public. i may be the best looking and wittiest boyman they ever see and ever will see.
  • the apartment has been kept at a cool 65 degrees this spring. i feel this is an appropriate temperature for vigorous masturbation.
  • joe biden (father of crack addict, hunter biden) says i don’t have to wear my mask anymore. what a fucking ride the past year has been. not sure how to feel
  • somewhere between ironic and iconic
  • this is absolutely the greatest fight ever held inside the ufc octagon. i want it framed on my wall. especially the staredown after the 4th round
  • i think i could try heroin once
  • 2013 was an absolutely wild year.
  • just like you, i get lonely
  • i want to bleach my hair for a weekend, and just cut it all off on monday morning
  • fucking love memes, man
  • gonna freaking ride tomorrow night, brother
  • karate is actually really cool, it just sucks that everyone i know who did it is a huge dork
  • i love talking to people when i feel like it
  • might go back and finish college just to say i fucking did it

seems like a great place to stop this one.

Songs of the day

  1. d.o.p.e- rick ross
  2. fall in love again- rag’n’bone man
  3. numb- jay-z/ linkin park
  4. all me- drake
  5. shut it down- drake
  6. chasing cars- snow patrol
  7. pray 4 love- travis scott
  8. awful things- lil peep
  9. i know- post malone
  10. condemned- zach bryan
  11. citizen/soldier- 3 doors down
  12. not that simple- mike posner
  13. underground kings- drake
  14. pay for you- skizzy mars
  15. not comin home tonight- three loco

thanks for reading these. you don’t know how important it is.

she had the nerve to say she love me and i fuckin’ laughed

-meek mill