are we really all human?

I’m finally sitting down to write this at 9:16 pm. here we go. should be a weird one.

little drunk but not throw up on the living room floor drunk if you know what i mean. almost the perfect amount of drunk. listening to a youtube video about baseball, lakers vs clippers on the tv (volume low) and nice music coming from my phone (and it’s not nice)

getting my second round of the covid vaccine tomorrow. hope i don’t get autism

Story Time

mothers day is this sunday, so i’d love to share a story of mothers eve in 2018?ish. The day starts out where n***, zack, and me (mr clit) went to the mall to get gifts for our mothers. n*** used the atm to check his balance, and followed that up with an old fashioned “it’ll play” (spoiler: it wouldn’t). we went our separate ways and reunited at kenny’s pub for a few beers with the boys (and broads) if you know what i’m saying. n*** found a middle aged man to buy him multiple fireball shots. I don’t know how he convinced him to do this, but they were in the bathroom for about 14 minutes before he brought old man to the table. (side note; pitchers used to be $5 on weekends, and they should bring this back. if you pump me full of light beer for 37 minutes i am bound to switch to something stronger, therefore spending even more money. right now I am just getting too drunk to function, while spending anywhere between $23 and $114 depending on the crowd. i like to put on a show for my fans. please drink responsibly)

after our night at the alehouse ended and our other friends went home, i asked young n*** if he would like to join me on a trip to see the girls of the beach. he really should’ve known better… as is tradition, we stopped at the gas station to pick up a case of beer before 2 am, and i paid his admission into the club. as we walked through the painted glass door with our brand new paper bracelets, his eyes lit up brighter than i’ve ever seen in a boy.

as you may have been able to guess, i used to be very into the local strip club (still am, but i definitely used to be, too). I asked the girl at the door for $50 in singles, as you do at a strip club. we took seats in the front row and cracked open a couple cold ones, we had two hours, 23 beers, and enough money to order little caesars pizza’s for a party of 80 with leftovers. as the night was nearing the end, i accepted an offer from the talent for a few private dances. i went to the back, and sat in complete shock for the next four or five songs. when i returned to the main area, i could not find my friend. i found my chair and returned to the activities of the night, occasionally glancing at the private area and bathrooms to see where n*** had vanished to. as the next song ended, i saw n***’s frail body come out with a smile that was larger than his face. he walked to the atm and turned around after pressing the buttons for a few minutes. he took a lap around the room, but did not return to me. this continued for a bit more before the bouncer got on his tail. there was much laughter on my end, but n*** ended up coming to me and asking if he could borrow a bit of money. i said sure and asked how much he needed. “$21.” this fucking kid… the dances were $25… also notable that the atm fee here is $8 so he could’ve had the 20 that he needed. i gave him the money, plus a little extra for the trouble…

we got a ride back home and n*** texted his parents from my phone that he would be sleeping over, remember that it is 4:30 at this point. i woke up a few hours later to a pissed off family, and several texts from n***’s mother. my favorite one “can noah come home now, he is going to be late for church”. that text was received at 9:15, and we woke up at 10:30… i assume he got in trouble for this, but the “it’ll play” from 24 hours prior, and the resulting events made it all worth it for me. i had lunch with my mother and grandmother that day. a bloody mary and a burger can solve almost any problems you face.

The Thoughts

get ready fuckers, this is a good one

  • “delete this nephew” is a quality meme, and it’s sad that it has fallen out of favor of the internet
  • everyone i meet is either an asshole or an idiot. i am not ready to accept the fact that this may be a flaw on my end.
  • drake and kanye have albums for every mood, all they need is a holiday tape, and music would be complete.
  • i recently tweeted and deleted. i do not regret this
  • keep the family close, but don’t be afraid to let them know when they do something fucking stupid.
  • one way that i make myself feel better/cover up real feelings is by making jokes. some people are not accepting of this, and it may make them mad. they need to grow up, or down, not really sure what it says about me
  • i recently purchased a pocket notebook on the internet, and when it comes, i will use it to write down my thoughts throughout the day. i may just take a picture of the page at the end of the day and tweet that. this could either be very good, or very bad and require the assistance of a mental health professional.
  • another one? why not. it’s only 10:31
  • i haven’t really been eating much this week. i have tried every night, but it seems that my body is rejecting solid food at this point. should probably see the doctor again, but not sure if i’m ready. physical and mental health combined might be at an all time low. the majority of the past year has been probably been the hardest part of my life so far, but i keep waking up everyday. every morning is a win for the kid.
  • my father recently let me know that he is worried about me because i am not pursuing any relationships. don’t really know what to tell him. i’m batting .338 on life right now. won’t lie, the apartment could be about 100 sqft bigger, and i could be doing more, but it’s not that bad. also i have a problem with really being serious. life’s a lot easier if you can laugh it off.
  • relationship status: married to the game.
  • don’t know if i have any friends that i wouldn’t die for.
  • life moves quick, and sometime’s it’s better to watch it happen live than it is to catch the highlights on youtube
  • really don’t understand how you can be a professional basketball player and shoot less than 75% on free throws. it is what it is i guess
  • Still Brazy came out 5 years ago, and YG remains a living legend
  • if you were born in america and find a loophole to compete in the world championships/olympics for another country, i really don’t care what the circumstances are. you are a coward and should be tried for treason.
  • the blog industry is a fickle bitch

Top Songs Today

again the order means nothing on these

  1. kimber- sammy adams
  2. cocoa butter kisses- chance the rapper
  3. many men- 50 cent
  4. ashley- big sean
  5. no rain- blind melon
  6. selfish- future (&rihanna)
  7. summertime- kenny chesney
  8. hills- kim petras
  9. broken whiskey glass- post malone
  10. time- riff raff
  11. young sachi- young sachi
  12. stay- rihanna
  13. habits- tove lo

thanks for reading. i hope to make these better


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