note: i started writing this on day one of the nfl draft. I am not going to change the title, as it took me a long time to decide on this one
EDIT: (this will not be a cohesive piece of writing; it’s just a collection of my thoughts over a period of several days. Some are just the beginning to jokes. Again, I don’t know why i’m like this)
Grilled Cheese Update
I quit after day 1. I don’t like grilled cheese. I really believed there was a way to make it better, but there’s no hope. I haven’t felt like this since Rascal Flatts’ farewell tour was cancelled.
addressing the rumors
i have never killed a woman. please stop saying that i have killed women. i have not. this isn’t to say that i couldn’t, though.
I’ve been taking the pill from limitless recently. (I thought i’d have something kind of funny to follow up with, but i’m running on half thoughts today)
I am very good at adapting to fit in with the people around me. As a result, I am getting dumber.
no, i was not in a coma. i was dealing with the fallout from a poorly worded tweet regarding kelsea ballerini.
(I started writing this on monday night)
Woke up this morning thinking about feta cheese. Couldn’t stop thinking about feta cheese.
Who can relate?
-Logic
This post will be a special edition. Monday night thoughts. The people will like this. the haters aren’t gonna like this one.
hoes mad.
*photo deleted*
it seems like this is going to be a very Logic-central post, but i can assure you it won’t be. did you guys know he’s biracial?
i am watching olympic with no sound and listening to the music of our time. the kitchen light is on, but the lights are off in the living room (where I am). am i a boy of the dark? maybe. who really know?
aunt jemima. mrs butterworth. hungry jack. the three new political parties. select one to align yourself with, but choose wisely. you only get one shot to do it right. this will be your new identity.
kendall jenner pepsi commercial.
went to the grocery store tonight and got some good sausages. cooked a couple up for dinner and they are pretty decent. 5/7 if i had to rate.
“he will not divide us”
Shia Lebeouf
i’ve started ordering the chicken parm sandwich every time i see it on a menu. i would say that eating and critiquing chicken parm sandwiches is one of my passions. it’s easy to be a chicken parm sandwich critic. (They all need salt)
can’t wait for season 2 of outer banks on friday night!!!
when you talk that shit, just know you gotta back it up with me..! THIS FOR THE CITY
i fucking love baseball. i hate zack hample. if we were ever going for the same ball i would ignore the ball and take him out.
Thoughts
hippos have to be the most intimidating land animal. 7 feet tall and 18 feet wide. top speed of 37 miles per hour, and natural camouflage so you can’t see them coming…
cigarettes are still really fucking cool
I received a pair of slippers during the last winter, and have been wearing them while indoors this week. they are alright.
i hope pete davison returns for another season of saturday night live.
kinda want to live in a shack in the woods like the unabomber
going to do a bracket of my favorite things. thinking 32 entries in 4 categories. candy, tv shows, movies, and ice cream. not sure how that works but it could be cool.
found out last month that darius rucker is hootie from hootie and the blowfish. this was a big surprise that i never could have guessed. i hadn’t been that shocked since i found out the blond guy from nirvana died.
people change
ben affleck back tattoo
hotdog water is a great source of electrolytes.
what is the purpose of friends
been getting really into astronomy lately, but having a real hard time with the different signs
saying “how about that drive in” when you arrive somewhere will always be funny
this has taken me 3 days… will put up the songs tomorrow
I did not feel the need to write last week. I had other things that required my attention.
(song list will be published separately this week. check the newest post if that is all you care to see)
Life Updates:
Been doing. Thinking a lot. Recently learned about Puerto Rico (Thank you Kanye, very cool!).
Came up with a couple of strategies to defeat Boko Haram and ISIS.
pool is closed for cleaning. not really a big deal for me (i don’t swim), but feel like you should know.
been listening to different musics in the past weeks. kinda cool. kinda not.
Thoughts
memes and internet culture peaked in 2015.
people who walk their dog without a leash in areas where a leash is required are the lowest class of society.
it’s a really bad year for ticks, and on this topic; there should be a chewable tablet that i can eat monthly that prevents ticks from biting me. if it’s safe for dogs, i can probably handle it.
watched a basketball games lately. i am going to repeat myself on a topic from last month. how do basketball players miss free throws? why does it take any player 30 seconds to shoot two free throws? how is it possible to be a professional basketball player and shoot less than 90% from the free throw line? my 7th grade D team basketball coach was 5’9″ and at least 300 pounds. i don’t think he ever missed a free throw. i could go to the gym tonight and make 75 in a row, if needed. (i am not a professional basketball player).
started watching trevor bauer’s vlogs last month and i am a huge baseball guy now. i love reading about baseball. i love watching pitching. i love baseball stats. i love the unwritten rules of baseball. i hate rob manfred. i am baseball.
Thursday List
Randy Moss- Minnesota Vikings
Adrian Peterson- Minnesota Vikings
Brett Favre- Minnesota Vikings
Michael Vick- Atlanta Falcons
Darren Sharper- Minnesota Vikings (FOOTBALL ONLY)
LaDainian Tomlinson
Troy Polamalu
Antoine Winfield Sr.- Minnesota Vikings
Antoine Winfield Jr.- University of Minnesota
Rob Gronkowski
Jared Allen- Minnesota Vikings
Randy Moss- Minnesota Vikings (4 games)
Terrell Owens
Daunte Culpepper- Minnesota Vikings
Tarvaris Jackson- Minnesota Vikings
Chester Taylor
Brian Robison
Jamarcus Russell
Larry Fitzgerald
Charles Woodson
Chad Greenway
Rex Grossman
Johnny Manziel
Kevin Williams- Minnesota Vikings
Pat Williams- Minnesota Vikings
Percy Harvin- Minnesota Vikings
Randy Moss- New England Patriots
Josh Gordon
Ray Lewis
Jerome Bettis- Pittsburgh Steelers
Donovan McNabb- Philadelphia Eagles
Stefon Diggs- Minnesota Vikings
Shaun Alexander
Bernard Berrian
Eli Manning
Julius Peppers
Brian Urlacher
Champ Bailey
Devin Hester
Ed Reed
Torrey Smith- 2012 Week 3
Darrelle Revis
Julian Edelman
Ben Roethlisberger
Marshawn Lynch
Reggie Bush- University of Southern California
Vince Young- University of Texas
Ndamukong Suh
Ray Rice
Jadaveon Clowney
Sidney Rice- Minnesota Vikings
Brett Favre- New York Jets
Kirk Cousins
Justin Jefferson
Trae Waynes
Jim Kleinsasser
Robert Griffin III
Arian Foster
LeSean McCoy
Matthew Stafford
Christian Ponder- Minnesota Vikings
Vernon Davis
David Carr
Eddie Lacey
Anquan Boldin
Reggie Wayne
Jamaal Charles- Kansas City Chiefs
Gus Frerotte
Marion Barber
Aaron Rodgers
Clinton Portis
Ronde Barber
Marshall Faulk
Demarcus Ware
Mitch Leidner
Adam Thielen
Tanner Morgan
Tony Gonzalez
Shannon Brooks
Visanthe Shiancoe
Peyton Hillis
Mark Sanchez
Ryan Longwell
Chad Johnson
Joe Webb
Rodney Smith
Brian Cushing
Hines Ward
Tiki Barber
Rashod Bateman
Bryant McKinnie
Ricky Williams
Cody Parkey
Joey Bosa
Michael Strahan
Matt Leinart
Russell Wilson
Tyler Johnson
Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie
Frank Gore
The songs of the week will be published separately this week. i have decided to compile a list of the top 100 football players i have ever seen. some players are ranked for their service with one team, but not the other teams they played for. if a team is noted by the players name, this is why.
9:10 PM. Here we are. Writing the words from my brain.eating spicy honey mustard Combos and drinking an ice cold beer fresh from the Rocky Mountain Range. championship lifestyle.
The Thoughts
my apartment building is getting a new roof and i hate it. the old roof looked better.
The Songs
too many years- kodak black
phoenix- a$ap rocky
lord knows- meek mill
views- drake
trappin 4 a livin- baby e
come thru- drake
good 4 u- olivia rodrigo
higher- creed
ms. jackson- outkast
little things- one direction
stay- rihanna
i hate u, i love u- gnash
pill for this- sam derosa
“bridge over troubled water, ice in my muddy water”
9:19 PM. Lakers on the television. sad music on the phone. cranberry in the milk jar. we’re having a thursday… What should i start with tonight? Hmmm… Life events, status of my enemies, my weekend plans, the songs? don’t tell me you care, because neither do i
Life Update
nothing. clown question.NEXT
weekend plans
going to my sisters graduation party tomorrow, where I will get drunk enough that people notice. Not one to call my shot, but i will probably make a comment about a newly eighteen year old girl at a volume that is just a little too high. afterwards i will maybe depart their house and get irresponsibly intoxicated. will return home, wake up disgustingly early, and drive to the lake. i will pack a cooler, and drive around the lake garage sales while drinking ice cold busch light. i will only have $14, but that’s part of the fun. wheelin and dealin baby. not sure yet if i will go home on sunday or monday morning. my parents have some friends coming, but not sure who. this will be a very important factor in my decision. might fly out to philly to dump popcorn on russell westbrook. who can know for sure?
What’s up with my enemies?
let me tell you this. if they aren’t dead by now, they’ll wish they were.
thoughts
(n prayers)
10:07
mini nn&nns are pretty good, definitely the best variety
i can remember pretty much everything that has ever happened.
i am approaching the age where my friends will soon be getting married and having children. i am still reading forum posts about what vitamins and minerals will increase the size and force of my loads.
how the fuck do you get hurt playing baseball? are they just sore?
really considering a bowl cut
chewed all my fingernails off, so now i can;t properly open things. this was a mistake.
last night i was at walmart and had a really hard time finding fish sticks and i never ended up finding them. i also forgot to get dog food and had to go back to petco tonight. i hate it here.
lebron james is pretty fucking good at basketball.
Top 7 Songs
pill for this- sam derosa
easy- lillian harper
happy for you- lukas graham
with arms wide open- creed
if i die young- the band perry
whiskey lullaby- alison krauss
coordinate- travis scott
deja vu- olivia rodrigo
adam’s song- blink 182
Thanks for reading, and thanks to this week’s sponsor, Yahoo! Sports. A great place to learn about sports.
(9:28 start time. just put the hotdogs in the hotdog water.)
ruined her. ended her entire existence without once saying anything about her appearance. you might be wondering where you’ll buy your shitty chrissy teigen pans now… well, i can promise you that it won’t be at Target, Macy’s or Bloomingdales. the best part of this is that unlike alex jones, her fans (?) will not follow her. they will simply find another “just like us” celebrity to reply to.
i noticed a slight pain in my abdomen after walking my dog (wham!ilton) and it has increased significantly since. i was only able to eat 2.75 hot dogs before the pain became too much. i normally write while sitting down, but i have switched to laying on my back. i am going to vomit and expel this demon shortly. this is my flu game.
The Thoughts
update: it is 10:19. i just spent the last 15 minutes resting my head on the toilet seat. i have moved from the couch to the bed. will finish this one out in the morning.
alright, idiots, time to get down to business. i know what you’re here for. first thing you’ll want to know is “what is storm doing right now?” yeah, i bet you’d like it if i fucking told you. i’ll tell you anyway though. i am drinking a strong mixed beverage from a milk bottle. it’s classy. I’ve got Robbie Lawler and Rory MacDonald in an absolute fucking war up on the screen, and the soothing sounds of 808’s and heartbreaks playing from the cell phone. no youtube video to fuck with the flow tonight. it’s already 9:27 and i’m only this far in. skipped the post on tuesday because i had personal and family issues to sort out (i didn’t have either). walked around. on wednesday and it was pretty quiet. probably because you simpletons didn’t know what music to listen to without my recommendations.
i’ve got a lot of thoughts this week, so let’s get rolling
The Thoughts
i’ve been getting back to my roots… i’ll be honest here. i think my roots are just binge drinking and saying stupid shit. there’s nothing wrong with it, because i’m cool. people like me. i’m the man of the people. raised by the streets.
don’t want to sound entitled here, but women should be walking to me vagina first in public. i may be the best looking and wittiest boyman they ever see and ever will see.
the apartment has been kept at a cool 65 degrees this spring. i feel this is an appropriate temperature for vigorous masturbation.
joe biden (father of crack addict, hunter biden) says i don’t have to wear my mask anymore. what a fucking ride the past year has been. not sure how to feel
somewhere between ironic and iconic
this is absolutely the greatest fight ever held inside the ufc octagon. i want it framed on my wall. especially the staredown after the 4th round
i think i could try heroin once
2013 was an absolutely wild year.
just like you, i get lonely
i want to bleach my hair for a weekend, and just cut it all off on monday morning
fucking love memes, man
gonna freaking ride tomorrow night, brother
karate is actually really cool, it just sucks that everyone i know who did it is a huge dork
i love talking to people when i feel like it
might go back and finish college just to say i fucking did it
seems like a great place to stop this one.
Songs of the day
d.o.p.e- rick ross
fall in love again- rag’n’bone man
numb- jay-z/ linkin park
all me- drake
shut it down- drake
chasing cars- snow patrol
pray 4 love- travis scott
awful things- lil peep
i know- post malone
condemned- zach bryan
citizen/soldier- 3 doors down
not that simple- mike posner
underground kings- drake
pay for you- skizzy mars
not comin home tonight- three loco
thanks for reading these. you don’t know how important it is.
she had the nerve to say she love me and i fuckin’ laughed
burymeinpleather 