I have been thinking about how I could fix every major problem in this country. I have come up with a two step plan that would help us all.
Step 1: Fix the fucking problems
Step 2: Prosper
Now that that is out of the way; I would like to actually address the problems that I have. I’ll start with the virgins and nerds. To be blunt, you all suck, and I am cool. Virgins and nerds don’t have websites. I do. My second problem in this country is the women. Please date me. I am fun. I also do not like Popeye’s. The food is bad. Have you ever sucked dick for Popeye’s? Didn’t think so.
We need to address the opioid epidemic. My solution is to give everyone unlimited amounts of their drug of choice. Survival of the fittest. This will not only address the number of deaths, because they will all die; but it will also help with the population problem. Less people= more fun.
Four years ago, I wrote a blog about the relationship between me and my father. It was a big hit. Unfortunately, because of a rat infestation, I was forced to remove the post and apologize to my father for being too cool. I have since decided that I will be getting back to my roots and posting weekly updates about my life and plans.
Noah is in Laos right now. I heard that he is distributing regular milk to lactose-intollerant families across the country telling them to suck it up.
What did people do before it was cool to be gluten-intollerant and lactose-intollerant? Did they just die?
What’s the deal with pharmacists? How does it take them an hour to count 30 pills? Why do they act like they have a hard job? Fuck you and your pharmacy.
"Fuck Illuminati lies, say I'm lucified
Baptized in the gutter, motherfucker you decide
Cause the ride come with doors that be suicide"