Fantasy Friends Week 3 and Other Stuff

Been a minute since the last set of rankings, so I’m throwing them up today.


1. Karsten. Previous Rank: 2.
2. Trevor. Previous Rank: 1.
3. Noah. Previous Rank: 3.
4. John. Previous Rank: 4.
5. Jakob. Previous Rank: 5. (-82.5 points)
6. Tommy. Previous Rank: 6.

No big changes here except Jakob’s score decreased even further.  Shoutout Jiffy Lube. (Jiffy Lube, call me so that we can finally discuss sponsorship options).

Life Updates

Haven’t been very open about my life with my readers lately, and that’s your fault because I really do not like any of you. Please continue to read and find out.

I broke up with my super hot girlfriend because it turns out that she has a mole on her ankle. YUCK!

Looking for a new girlfriend. I do have a list of qualifications, though:

  • Has to be at least 8/10.
  • Cannot be nice to anyone. (Can be, but meaner is better)
  • Would prefer if it were a female that has lived with John before (not mandatory, but preferred)
  • Has to be intelligent. Can’t be smarter than me, but that would be virtually impossible unless I could make a smart, attractive, female version of myself.

If you know anyone that fits this description, have them call me. Most hot girls already have my phone number, so don’t give it to them.


Big Time Stuff

I’m thinking about vaping.


“ok i smashed your corolla”


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