Week one has been calculated.

First Place: 12 points. Karsten. He’s leading because of his lack of body odor. He would have a greater lead over the others, but his 40 time is really lacking, and he has yet to prove that he doesn’t change when he has a girlfriend. Time will tell for the leader.

Second Place: 11 points. Trevor. He could’ve been number one, but he really dropped when he said Kyle Dake whines too much. He could improve on the speed, but he has the power to get the job done. He drives, but he doesn’t drive.

Third Place: 8 points. Noah. He let me borrow his car while I did not have one. Really cool.

Fourth Place:2 points.  John. I really had high hopes for him coming in to Saturday Morning. He had the lead but then he did that really weird thing with the gas pump and punching rain. I still have faith as he has the best breakaway speed of the group, and the best dream stories.

Fifth Place: -14 points.  Jakob Allison. Smells horrible. Super slow. Worse driver than John. Looks like he just got out of a pool. Pretty sure he gets his hair done at a Jiffy Lube. Shoutout Jiffy Lube.

Stay tuned for next week’s rankings. Adding a category for most pipe laid. Scores will change because of this.